Lockdown Number Two

I have already been through this once before. It was way longer than this is scheduled to be, so why is this one hitting so much harder?

For those of you who don’t live in the UK let me fill you in. Several areas in Scotland, including my city, have been placed in Level 4 Lockdown. Non-essential business shut including restaurants, no one is allowed in anyone’s houses, stay at home, the whole shebang.

I was devastated when I got the news at work. I had to fight back tears. I know this sounds overly dramatic, but I well and truly love my job. I get along so well with my co-workers plus every day at work is a joy.

Now it’s gone. I’m stuck at home again.

At the time of writing, these measures are to remain in place until the 11th of December. Even then it’s going under review, so chances are it might get extended or tightened further. These rules came into effect nine days ago.

Last time we could go outside for some fresh summer air. Now, the weather gets wetter and colder by the day. From this point on we only get seven hours of sunlight. Needless to say, the darker days are coming in more ways than one.

I am already struggling to keep going and I am only on day nine. Getting out of bed seems impossible most days. Last time my strategy was to busy myself with projects, but I have little to no motivation to do anything.

The only time I have truly enjoyed myself was Monday’s D&D and meeting Shiloh in the park to exchange very early Christmas presents. Our hands might have been completely numb due to the cold however it was so worth it to see her again because I haven’t seen her since July.

I have mentioned this before, but it does bear repeating. I am lucky in my situation. I am living with family, although we fight a lot these days I am glad I’m not alone. I am still getting my full pay while doing online work.

In a way, that makes me feel worse. Here I am complaining about feeling terrible and isolated when I am in a pretty good position. I feel guilty about feeling this low, which makes me feel like a spoiled brat.

I am trying to look forward but I don’t see any light on the horizon. Christmas will not be the same, traditions are trashed due to restrictions. I am sure I will still have some fun, but it will be a shell of a holiday compared to the usual affair.

Funnily, this is the polar opposite of what I was doing this time last year. I was working almost every day in November and December in a retail shop. Dreading going to work due to the typical chaos of Christmas shoppers. December was our busiest month and due to that, the worst.

Now here I am, stuck at home. At this rate, if restrictions are lifted on the 11th, I could work a possible three shifts before we close for the Christmas holidays. From working every day to only working three, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.

Admittedly, I am beyond glad I no longer work there, pandemic aside. Yet I can’t shake the feeling that this December is going to be horrible.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest, I will try to limit rants in the future.

Stay safe, everyone.

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