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Delusions of the past

Yes, I know its late but happy new year! My new years resolutions are to do study harder, get fitter and not waste any time online or procrastinate. Let’s be honest, there is no way that’s going to work. However, I can promise that from now on there will be two articles a week!

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I was thinking about starting the year with a recap of 2015 or a look to the future, but all this “new year, new you” nonsense I see everywhere is getting on my nerves. That coupled with the anime series I recently watched Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions have got me thinking about the girl I used to be *shivers*.

Much like in the anime, my school career was filled with embarrassment. Particularly Secondary. I tried way too hard to fit in. Not just changing looks and saying you like all the popular stuff, In first and second year I tried so hard to get people to like me that I kept throwing myself off my chair in class one day a total of at least eight times to get my classmates to laugh at me. I did my best to get rid of my accent and on several occasions begged almost every deity known to man to “cure” my autism.

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My reaction when someone reminds me of Secondary School

I knew full well what I was doing was stupid, but I was so desperate for friends I would do anything. I am genuinely surprised I wasn’t taken by a cult.

In Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions the main male character Yuta gets flashbacks to the embarrassment of his former self and sees every mistake he made in the girl Rikka. This anime touched me on an emotional level. I see myself in the leading characters, Particularly Yuta. If you haven’t seen this anime, you should! Check it out if you have the time.

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I can relate to Yuta, he does everything he can to distance himself from his past and create a new identity. He freaks out when he remembers his past and the idiotic things he did. In the last few days I have received reminders from my family of who I used to be, as well as comments of me gaining more weight every year (thanks, mum) which makes me want to smash my head into a wall.

Then I thought, wait why is this such a big deal? We can’t go back in time to change the past, and even if we could almost every sci fi story ever told has taught us that is never a good idea. Why are we so quick to want to change ourselves and our personalities, particularly around this time of year? I don’t mean by improve ourselves, that’s fine. But carving out a new identity every year?

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I have changed a lot over the years, we all have. Yet in a lot of ways I haven’t. I’m still a bookworm, still socially awkward and still face many of the struggles I used to. Over the years you learn and grow. One thing I have learned, is chance because you want to not because people tell you to. Change should happen naturally, not on a whim or to fit in.

 

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Author:

Growing up, Megan was that one kid at the back of class reading manga. Now, not much has changed except she started a blog. Basically, your typical geek (although she prefers the term Otaku)

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